Saturday, October 2, 2010

Saturday.....

Fremont was so amazingly white trash last night - biker mommas as far as the eye could see..... guys walking around in tour shirts for bands that haven't toured in 10 years, and i am guessing the shirts fit a little better when they bought them..... but eh - such is life..... it was a weird combination of humanity - the average fremont fair - tourists, hookers, random performers - add to that 1000's of bikers - made an amazing smoothie of humanity lol....

Sorry about BYU last night - figured that with 6 wives they would have played a little better - but eh.... utah state rocked from buzzer to buzzer and i think by years end they might find a bowl game :)

The diet is still going, ate a little extra this morning so hopefully i don't lurch like i did yesterday, ran out of energy - so i am thinking today will go far better - i guess this is all a adjustment - body is used to running on sugar and caffiene and i am feeding it fruits and veggies lol.....


oh well - time to start looking for clothes to go to work in - talk to you guys later :)

Laz~

Friday, October 1, 2010

Another new adventure.....

I started my diet..... its a shock to the system - totally re-doing my diet from the ground up.... its something new - changing years of eating habits - its an adventure of sorts..... and the reward at the end - a new, skinnier, healthier me.....

I also decided to do something that when i started this blog that i didn't think i would do.... I am going to share it with the facebookians...... let them giggle at my random exploits, give me a kick in the ass when i need it, and cheer me on when i don't...

Its been a wild week...... started the diet and over the course of 3 days i won 600 bucks..... hooray for dumb luck! Still at the golden nugget, getting settled into football season - the crowds are not as punishing, the rushes are not as bad as they were, both because people have settled into football season as well, and i have been attuned to the rushes - so they don't seem to bad anymore.....

But anyway, its friday, its 10am and I got about 2 hours to get my shit together, do some dishes, wash my ass, sweep the house, eat an apple and be on my way - for it is bikefest weekend and fremont is going to be absolute chaos.

And here goes my football picks for the weekend - we can see how i do lol

7pt teaser - 6 teams
Alabama -2
Florida St. -1/2
Ohio St. -11
Air Force -3
USC -4
Iowa Pick

7pt teaser - 6 teams
BYU +1
Michigan -3 1/2
Northwestern +2
Maryland -1
Ohio St. -11
Air Force -3

Lets see how we do :)

Laz~

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

A New Day, A New Gig, and Internet Pervin' - OH MY

Well hello my blogians..... I know when I last left you things were bleak..... things were..... it was scary out there.... I hit a week where I was so lost on what was next that i said about 50 words total....... and for those that know me - that's rare at the very least...... but things are starting to look up..... days they are a changin'........ I got a new monitor so I can see all of you much better now - I was on a 15in monitor for almost a month - it was the saddest thing even.... but I went yesterday and picked up a new ASUS 24.5 inch monitor - I highly reccomend it - its beatuiful...... I also got a new droid phone - i am totally confused by it and i am sure I will end up cussing it a few times before I figure out exactly what im doing lol......

The new gig - I am working as a Sports Book Writer at the Golden Nugget..... its a neat gig - you meet a lot of random people.... both wealthy and dirt poor - far more varied than my previous gig - but it keeps you on your toes - lots of randomness - people out drinking and partying, and you are close enough to the casino to feel the excitement of what's going on outside.....

Internet Pervin' - I have been drawn into the world of myfreecams.com..... yes yes i know i know - your thinking random cam girl site..... and for the most part your right - but I have found a few gems in the midst of the all too dreg masses...... the girl of my internet dreams is Miss Aedan Rayne..... she has this way of projecting her personality into what she is doing, she enjoys it - and it shows..... She is interactive - not just a woman sitting in front of her webcam randomly flashing nipple to make some cash - if you have a question for her she will answer it - if you tell her a joke - she laughs - if she wears cake as a hat - she swiffers..... yes she swiffers..... and the swiffer is currently for sale for 24.99 plus shipping and handling...... I did something I didn't think was possible in this day and age - i have made friends with a internet cam girl...... she welcomes me when I get online and blows me kisses, she laughs at my jokes and I giggle at her zany exploits in her life as a internet wet dream...... I have found myself logging in just looking to see if she's online - like sneeking into a shop just to see if that cute girl that works behind the counter is there while you build up the nerve to ask her name...... I know that in reality I will probably never meet her in person - unless I am lucky enough to get a chance to get her autograph after she becomes a star...... I look forward to the time I get to spend watching her, laughing with her, and getting to know this addictive personality on a webcam in a galaxy far far away.......


I look forward to more updates blogites..... and more will be coming soon - I promise.....

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Not much to say as of late....

I have been working on finding a new job...... another 100 resumes out, probably 150 applications at this time - and I am hoping and praying the phone rings soon.... anyone know anybody who's hiring? I can do just about anything.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Days to Stew.... I think I am ready to eat.....

I have spent the last few days tearing my month within the Harrah's organization down and rebuilding it piece by piece trying to figure out what I did wrong to deserve being terminated with no reasoning just "Sorry you are the weakest link, goodbye." I honestly had more hope for Harrah's as a company after listening to a few of my friends sing the praises of the company.... I honestly took the job seriously even though it was only a peon position.... it was a foot in the door - a place to start.... and honestly that's all I wanted and needed..... but after the way my "separation" was handled, I honestly was left with a lot more questions than answers. Did I do something wrong, Did I speak out of line, Was I rude to a guest, Did I do something wrong on the actual back end of money handling or some compliance issue? It could have been 100 things or nothing..... but I continue to analyze it getting more and more angry with every passing examination.

Harrah's is a massive multi-billion dollar organization so I realize to them I was just a tiny blip on a computer screen somewhere - but they have forgotten the human element, they forget for every slot machine that makes them money there is 2 humans at a minimum that keep those reels spinning, for every bet made on a sporting event - there is a human writing that ticket, for every spin of the roulette wheel, hand of 21, or toss of the dice.... there is more and more humans that are involved in the wheel..... and you might wonder where I am going with this, in our "orientation" which was nothing more than a 3 day pep rally of where Harrah's is awesome - we had the line "Get Me, Guide Me, Root for Me" drilled into our heads - the internal company motto for departments. Honestly at the end of the day this is nothing more than a feel good farce, your are nothing at Harrah's - you are nothing more than a number on a computer who does some task that helps the behemoth along.... a little grease on a wheel that keeps that income flooding in. Basically, when it comes down to it at the end of the day, all I want to know is a one word question.... "Why?" I was given no reasoning as to why I was being let go, I was given no write ups, or verbal warnings over my short month with the company, my cash drawer was accurate within 2 bucks over the month.... so I am not sure what I did that was so flawed that signed my walking papers....

I called my recruiter that started me down this path of wasted time to begin with.... And I asked her the same question "Why?" Does this mean that I can never work for Harrah's again? Does this mean I wasn't a "fit" in the department? She had no answers either..... Not that I expected her to.... she is just another part in the machine.....

But sitting off to the side of the road watching the machine roll off into the sunset I miss it, I miss the hustle and bustle of post time, I miss explaining bets to people so they could better understand what we did, I miss having a place to go, something to do... I miss the yet again delayed plans that I had lined up to get accomplished this year.... But would I ever want another spot in the Harrah's machine..... Honestly if I am never given the answer to my simple question of "Why?", I don't think I would ever step back on the Harrah's express..... They pick people up and give them hope and them drop them on their face with not a clue as to what they have done to have gotten there..... But I guess that's another day in modern society, where personality means less and less, pride means less and less, a naturally competitive instinct means less and less - and all people want you to do is sit down, shut up, and take your spot with the masses, grinding away in the heat and dirt while someone reaps the rewards of your labor..... but I guess that's just life.....

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Circling the Drain.....

I can feel a huge depression setting in...... I can feel my energy being sapped..... I am just sitting here...... filling out applications, hoping and praying a phone call comes as soon as possible.... cause i can't take this again..... it took everything in my power the last time to stop myself from just banging my head into the wall...... and this time i dont have that strength.....

The more things change - the more they continue to suck....

I walked into work at 8:35 this morning and was taken into my department directors office and was told I was being let go...... So after a month of thinking that things were turning around finally...... that bills were gonna get paid off, credit rebuilt.... for the first time in a year I was looking to the sky seeing a silver lining for a change..... should have known it was all a farce and soon enough I would be back where I was..... So here I sit..... 31 years old, and I honestly have no idea what I am going to do........

There are days that it just isn't worth breathing..... and I have those days more often than not it seems........ I don't know why I bother caring....

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Somedays you just have to laugh cause it beats the alternative.....

It has been a hectic week..... Work has had me from about 11am to 10pm most days - varying the times but nothing too drastic..... lots of hours, not overly busy.... so entirely too much time to sit back and ponder things.....

I have decided this week that I am going to talk to a doctor about medically assisted weight loss..... not the lap band or anything invasive - its a naturally produced hormone called HcG..... it is basically supposed to just send the bodys nature fat loss cycle into hyper drive and I it will give me the swift kick in the ass I need to get myself healthier.... I haven't weighed less than 300 pounds since Sept. 2001 - and this diet I have already had a friend on and she went from a sexy curvy woman..... she had an amazing face and a million dollar smile to this slimmed down sexy kitten...... she slimmed out so much that I almost don't recognize her as the same person.... it is amazing - but its a strict diet in unison with the hormones - but she has done it amazingly well :) I would venture to guess she has lost 60-70 pounds - and I am happier for her than anyone, she has been my person that I turn to when I have a shitty day or when I need advice on where to turn next for the last 2 years - and on top of it - I think I might have pushed her away with my negative outlook I have on life..... and it bothers me.... I have been trying to be a better person..... Mentally, Emotionally, and Physically - And its a slow process, but it has been a battle to stop my mind from taking the dark alleys and to settle for well lit pathways instead...... but I guess it is one day at a time, 1 hour at a time, 1 thought at a time..... but sooner or later I will get to where I want to be.... its just 1 thing at a time....... my goal now - lose the weight - how much - I want to lose nearly 100 pounds.... it will put me at about 265-275.... then I can safely hit the gym, and get buff and stuff with my afro puff...... what no lady of rage references this morning? After that it will be time to throw out clothes that don't fit..... then it will be time to be fashion inclined...... and then god knows what else..... maybe a new tv, a ps3, a mountain bike, a new cock ring..... something lol.....

But I gots to get my ass moving - work in less than 2 hours - so its time to shave my ass and wash my face..... or maybe that's the other way around......

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Alone on a sea of cheese.....

I finally got started back to work not this past monday - but the monday before...... so the 21st..... I did an orientation that was pretty cool - getting to adventure around the property I work at learning where everything is and some how I am still managing to get myself lost lol.... I spent 3 days in orientation shoving my head full of everything from policies to history of the company..... and I went straight from that to 4 straight days of on the job training in the sports book.... so needless to say by the time I got monday and tuesday off my cup runeth over with information.... so much so that I don't remember half of what I was told and taught.... but I am a quick study so I am getting the job fast..... got my first paycheck and it pretty much went straight to rent so I am living till the 17th where I have spent a majority of the last year... broker than hell.... but after that I can start working on the financial reset button I have needed so badly..... Pondering filing bankruptcy to complete my financial reset..... II have very little on my record that would hang around through it..... would drop my total debt from about 25k to about 2k and that I would gladly pay off and start to build a credit rating back up..... medical bills have devastated my credit rating in my adult life.... but with lack of jobs that are willing to give descent health insurance what can you do..... but finally with this job I should be able to put away 500-750 a month in my current rate of pay, etc. so we will see how I do.... my goal by the end of the year is to have 5k in savings..... so next year I might be able to take a vacation, go see my grandparents, or buy myself a gun and go on the rampage I dream about from time to time lol......

But regardless I didn't want to think I forgot you guys.... I will be around a bit more often..... finally getting my sleep in some sort of order - weird after 14 months of unemployment when I could wake and sleep as I damn well pleased.....

But as much as I would like to hang out here all day and meander through topics like a drunk on Fremont Street.... I gotta go get ready to work for the man.....

Talk to you all soon....

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Take 2, Completion of the Legionnaire's Tale......

A Harrah's Gladiators Story - By E.J. Hoeffken - R&S Paris
This interview process is new to me..... its not the typical go in, interview with the manager, get hired, shake hands and make your way into a job that you hopefully find rewarding and enjoy.... Harrah's has developed a more competitive system.... which is interesting and semi-nerve shattering......... While again I understand why they have chosen this system, none the less it is at best, an interesting ride to glory :)

So here is my tale of being a Harrah's Gladiator....... told in story form.... hopefully some of you are amused.... and the others of you that are not...... We really need to get you into a doctor and have that funny bone checked - because this is funny :).....


I awoke in a room of chairs....... small, cramped, and uncomfortable for a man of my size....... As I looked around there was empty seats, people making their way around the room, others at little stalls making their peace before the time of competition began. There was lots of empty seats in the room, like many before you have tried and failed or have succeeded and been moved into different quarters.... I noticed that no one in this room is at ease, leading me to believe that the combat I was preparing myself to face wasn't going to be as easy as I hoped...... Propaganda of the empire was proudly displayed on all the walls, showing the places that you would go if you fought bravely in the arena and were selected to serve in the legion helping the empire to become even stronger than it currently is. Images flashed across the screen of people dancing, drinking, celebrating.... and it flashed through my mind at 9:45a.m., man a drink sounds really good right now.... calm the nerves, steady the feet, bring out my sense of humor more so to prepare myself for whatever lay ahead of me... Slowly, more people started to show up in the room, people in all kinds of dress, some clutching papers as their life depended on it, others with this air of confidence and ease that made me even more nervous... Everyone sat knowing soon enough, they would be called to duty..... One after another the people that sat around me were called into action in the arena..... As I sat and waited my turn I could feel my mouth dying out in nervous anticipation, I knew that I was as good if not better than anyone in this room..... but its the mental mind game of sizing up your competition..... knowing what move you were going to use here to counter their incoming attack...... and where you knew you you could benefit from your foes over confidence and land that shot that would allow you to fight another day.....

Finally my name was called, I steadied myself and walked toward the light at the end of the tunnel..... I got to the doorway and stepped through.... The light of the sun was bright, I could hear the chants of the crowd, or maybe it was all in my head.... I entered the arena realizing I was only facing one foe..... She wished me luck and combat started...... She fired barrages of attacks both big and small, feeling me out and looking for my responses..... I answered every barrage with counters and let loose a few salvos of my own... This went on for 20 minutes..... back and forth, neither of us gaining a solid footing and the shields clashing was all for naught.... at the end of the time, we were both still standing..... And she smiled at me and said "Well Done, you will fight another day, and if you fight well - a spot in the legion will be yours. I was led back to the ready room and was told to be at the ready, cause my next contest was coming soon enough...... So I nursed my wounds, cursed my tongue, and tried to patch the few dents in my pride and continued to train to be ready for the next encounter..... The hours turned to days, but my resolve was not shaken... and with each passing day I got more and more focused on what needed to be done..... Keep winning fights and soon I would be set free, given a job in the empires legions, and the glory that comes with it.

Finally the day came for my second contest...... Many names were called this time.... 14 to be exact..... and we were led into a different arena than the first... I remember this being unsettling, so many people, were they all here to try to take my position in the legion, or were they here looking for a different commission within the ranks, but in the end you stood there not knowing which of these people was your foe, so my eyes danced across the group looking for threats to me, and which people would be more easily pushed aside if need be.... At the word of the Herald, combat commenced..... Some people lunged to battle, others laid back to see what the competition was capable of..... I lunged forward, stopping a few of the lesser gladiators in short order showing my strength and willingness to take the first steps if I was called upon to do so..... but as fighting continued..... The herald kept changing the rules of combat, 1 on 1, 2 on 2, group vs. incoming hordes, Finally after nearly 75 minutes of fighting off every incoming attack..... only half of us were left standing..... congratulated by the herald for surviving this round of competition..... being led back into the tunnel we were greeted by the people who were waiting for their turn in the arena.... I walked back to the corner and sat down steadying myself for my last fight.... One More fight and I can freely walk in the sun..... donned in the armor of the empire, ready to fight any and all comers....
As I awoke on the day of my final contest, I was strangely calm... I wasn't sure if I had suddenly become far braver than I was the day before, or if I was fool hardy enough to think so.... I sat quietly lacing my boots, making sure I had even thing I needed to make this day what it needed to be, to go out a champion or to die a glorious death in the arena.... either way I was prepared to do what was necessary of my to make this experience the best possible..... As I walked through the tunnels into the arena I could feel my body tensing ready for this, like I had been training for this day my whole life.... I arrived in the ready room, records of past champions, photos of the few that stood aloft in the arena and were hoisted up into the ranks of the legion.... I was greeted by the herald, and she led me toward the arena where I would face my last contest..... I entered the room and was greeted by a man at a desk..... what kind of combat is this I thought.... I was asked many questions about where I was from, what kind of training I had, and what I would do if selected to do the legion proud...... I was put off balance, I walked into this room ready to fight for my life, and now I am being asked questions and being invited to join in pleasant conversation..... what an odd empire this is I thought, as I continued to answer all of their questions as they were coming at me from all sides..... and then I was asked to step outside..... Maybe this was it, a sneak attack, or maybe they were trying to find proper competition for me....... So I sat back down at the ready, going back over the answers I had given in my mind, mentally congratulating my self on the good answers, and kicking myself for the bad ones.... Minutes passed, I sat awaiting my fate, the herald came back out and greeted me and invited me back into the room I was just in, and as I sat down I was welcomed into the legion, they all began talking quickly letting me know that I was needed and what I had to do next..... I needed to go back and speak with the first person I had sparred with.... and she would help me with what I needed to have done before I could walk freely in the sun, knowing that I had a place to put my skills to use earning both myself and my superiors honor glory and honor.
I walked back into that first room relieved that I had survived and I was almost to my goal.... She greeted me kindly, but a different kind of greeting this time, more as a co-legionnaire instead of a grunt off the street..... She had me sign my name of so many pieces of paper.... Taxes, Tips, Uniforms, I think I even signed on about not coming to battle wearing pink..... and when all of the forms stopped she handed me one last form, a free hair cut to make myself presentable. As I walked out of the ready room, I had a new air of confidence, swagger, knowing that I had a place and a force to do battle with and for, to entertain the masses and to take care of anything that needs to be taken care of........
For I am now a Harrah's legionnaire.... and I welcome any and all challenges that are laid in front of me.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

My experience as a Harrah's Gladiator......

This interview process is new to me..... its not the typical go in, interview with the manager, get hired, shake hands and make your way into a job that you hopefully find rewarding and enjoy.... Harrah's has developed a more competitive system.... which is interesting and semi-nerve shattering.........

So here is my tale of being a Harrah's Gladiator....... told in story form.... hopefully some of you are amused.... and the others of you that are not...... LAUGH ALREADY GOD DAMN IT!.....


I awoke in a room of chairs....... small, cramped, and uncomfortable for a man of my size....... There was lots of empty seats.... I noticed what an uncomfortable room this is...... with propaganda being shown for your future masters trying to encourage and motivate you to fight bravely and entertain the crowds, everyone with a look of an uncomfortable ease on their face..... trying to look happy to be there.... but knowing that they would be called to duty fast enough..... one after another the people that sat around me were called into action in the arena..... As I sat and waited my turn I could feel my mouth dying out in nervous anticipation, I knew that I was as good if not better than anyone in this room..... but its the mental mind game of sizing up your competition..... knowing what move you were going to use here to counter their incoming attack...... and where you knew you you could benefit from your foes over confidence and land that shot that would allow you to fight another day.....

Finally my name was called, I steadied myself and walked tword the light at the end of the tunnel..... I got to the doorway and stepped through.... The light of the sun was bright.... I entered the arena realizing I was only facing one foe..... She wished me luck and combat started...... She fired barrages of attacks both big and small, feeling me out and looking for my responses..... I answered every barrage with counters and let loose a few salvos of my own... This went on for 20 mins..... back and forth, neither of us gaining a solid footing and the shields clashing was all for naught.... at the end of the time, we were both still standing..... And she smiled at me and said "Well Done, you will live to fight again and serve the empire again"...... I was led back to the holding room and was told to be ready to fight again soon...... So I nursed my wounds and continued to train to be ready for the next encounter..... The hours turned to days, but my resolve was not shaken... and with each passing day I got more and more focused on what needed to be done..... Keep winning fights and soon I would be set free, given a job in the empires legions.......

Finally the day came for my second fight...... Many names were called this time.... 14 to be exact..... and we were led into yet another uncomfortable room not knowing which of these people was your foe, so my eyes danced across the group looking for threats to me, and which people would be more easily pushed aside.... At the word of the Herald, combat commenced..... Some people lunged to battle, others laid back to see what the competition was capable of..... I lunged forward, stopping a few of the lesser gladiators in short order..... but as fighting continued..... The herald kept changing the rules of combat, 1 on 1, 2 on 2, group vs. incoming hordes, Finally after nearly 75 minutes of fighting off every incoming attack..... only half of us were left standing..... congratulated by the herald for surviving this round of combat..... being led back into the tunnel we were greeted by the people who were waiting for their turn in the arena.... I walked back to the corner and sat down steadying myself for my last fight.... 1 more fight and I can freely walk in the sun..... donned in the armor of the empire, ready to fight any and all comers....

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Interview 2: Mission Complete - Move on to Level 3

After a nerve wracking hour and fifteen minutes - I found out I survived the group interview - leaving me with 1 wall left to jump - the hiring manager of the book at Paris......

Waiting for the phone call the get the interview time set......


/exhales and gets ready for round 3.....

Tuesday.......

Well today comes with mixed feelings..... I secured the condo over the weekend.... after 2 days of thinking about it - they decided to work with me on the security deposit and my room mate and i move in over this coming weekend - so it will be pretty cool - i will figure out how to post some photos of the joint after I move in and get settled so you can see the new pimp pad :D

Today is also the day of my interview...... I have been prepping for it - trying to get thoughts in order, but it never fails I get in front of a interviewer and freeze up..... So everyone say a little prayer, sacrifice a virgin, arrange an offering to the gods - what ever it is you choose to do..... any and all help will be appreciated.

I will post something after the interview..... WEEEEE!~

Friday, May 7, 2010

Down to the Wire.....

Not exactly sure who I pissed off in the karma food chain..... but I seriously shit in someones Cheerios at some point and don't remember it..... cause when things seem to be rolling my way.... the room shifts and I end up running for my life...... and my feet are starting to hurt....

I feel like I have been drunk for days and the only thing I pray for is someone to stop the world from spinning...... cause I want to get off....

The condo was too good to be true..... its a nice place but they want a security deposit yesterday, and I won't have the cash to get it done till next Friday.... so basically I am in a lay and pray mode.... If someone takes comes up with the deposit first - I lose out.... is it the end of the world? No it isn't..... but its a sharp little pad.... hard wood floors, quiet community, stainless steel appliances - just a sharp little pad for my friend and I - we could turn it into a hell of a bachelor pad...... small, clean, and affordable.......

I need to land this job on Tuesday, its the no choice plan... I have to go in there and be confident and charming - while at the same time shaking like a leaf on the inside cause I know how much is riding on the job..... hell, my life is basically standing on it..... cause if I fail.... my life could change drastically.... change of house, possibly city if I fail.....

So lets hope that I can keep the ship together with spit and duct tape for a few more days..... Lets hope that this interview just is a slam dunk and they say they want me to start asap.....

Lots of hopes there.....

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

When good luck comes, it comes in waves......

This week has included alot of things.....

Taking a stand against my apartment complex - after 4 years and 2 ex-roommates they have started to jerk me around on my rent - promising a renegotiation of my lease due to me paying WAY too fucking much for the current state of the market in Vegas..... 3 weeks have passed and they still have yet to sit a number in front of me of what i can be looking to when my current lease expires.... But I am saying to hell with it, going rogue and going apartment hunting..... Found a nice little spot in SW Vegas still for 250 less a month than I am currently paying.... and if i sign a 1 year lease he will drop it another 25 a month..... so for moving less than 2.5 miles I say 275 a month...... that makes sense......

I had a job interview this week..... A REAL JOB is on the horizon...... I have a second audition next Tuesday for a race and sports writer position at Paris...... Ya, Paris isn't a crown jewel of the strip - but its a solid property and Harrah's likes to promote from within, so BONUS...... Hopefully will be able to work myself up to vault drawer in a few months.... it wont be amazing money.... but it will pay the bills, and allow me to buy myself a beer or 12 over the month.....

I have also found a cat that I am not ninja allergic too.... I still have issues with my nose and eyes.... but it will hopefully work itself out with prolonged exposure...... and its nice to have someone who will come and love on me at random.....

But anyway that's the current state of the union in my head....

Hope everyone else is having a good week :)

Saturday, May 1, 2010

I am confused.... yet amazed.....

My soon to be ex-room mate - she is moving the last of her stuff today is cleaning up..... vaccuming and cleaning her bathroom....... now.... this to the normal person might not be all that amazing....... but I have lived with this girl for almost a year and a half..... getting her to do a dish damn near took an act of congress..... getting her to put dishes away..... an act of god......

I am blinking my eyes in disbelief at the moment..... she is actually cleaning.... I am actually seeing her clean..... shes scrubbing the tub and everything......

/cluthes his chest red foxx style......

i am gonna have a fucking stroke.....

Friday, April 30, 2010

I don't know what to do next......

I have friends who i can count on..... and I love them dearly..... But I find myself at the mercy of a friend who's mind changes faster than the national unemployment rate..... I love the guy, I really do - he is an amazing friend, but he talks before he thinks, and even if he thinks, he has this way of changing his mind......

I hate this, I hate what my life has become and I don't know what to do to fix it.....

Thursday, April 29, 2010

At an Impasse.....

Found someone to take the other bedroom - so crisis 1 is averted for the time being..... But it is just one of a hilarious stack of issues.....

But like a soldier peeling potatoes after some form of mis-deed...... all you can do is pick up one potato at a time and peel away as fast as you can.....

Tomorrow morning I have an appointment at PIMA.... a school that offers a 20 month RT program.... and tomorrow I go in to find out what I qualify for financial aide to see if I can get started with school sooner rather than later.... Being as jobs seem to be more rare than people in Las Vegas who are actually born and raised here.... I might as well try to put the surplus of time to good use....

I have revisited the thoughts of the opposite sex..... having a friend trying to tell me where my flaws with women are being as I seem to be competing for the "just be friends" world title.... I hope if i win I get a WWE style championship belt to show off my complete and utter failure with women.... I am a nice guy... I was told I wasn't edgy enough, that I am "too nice".... still not exactly sure what that means.... I mean I read these personals where women state time and time again that they are looking for a nice guy..... but where is the line between nice and too nice? could someone contact the referee, I would like a ruling on the field....

I am still hunting for a job..... applied for 11 jobs in the harrah's organization - of which I am sure there is another 1100 applications per position, but all I can do is keep slugging away and keep trying.....

I could go for a break, I could go for a mental vacation, I need to cuddle with someone who I miss, wrap her up in my arms just so I can close my eyes, feel her next to me, get lost in her scent, and just let time slip away.....

It can't happen soon enough....

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Circling the drain.....

Things are seemingly going from bad to worse..... and I am not sure what I did to deserve it.....

Job hunt continues to go no where..... People who I thought were friends are turning their back on me..... Family seems to be losing faith in me..... And I am running out of reasons to get up and keep fighting..... I am growing oh so tired of being kicked over and over again.... All I want is the chance to get back to my feet so I can defend myself.... But the boots keep coming, and they seem to be coming faster and faster..... And I can't seem to block them fast enough..... I don't believe in a focused higher power, well at least not a specific one.... It could be god, it could be allah, it could be Joe Peschi for all I know..... but I am hitting a point where I am not sure what I did to deserve the current state of my life..... I have been nice, helpful, loving, supportive, loyal, and have done anything I can to help improve the lives of the people around me - weather it be carrying there groceries to there house or lending money or holding them when they need a place to cry....

If I believed in a focused house of worship at this point I would be turning my back.....

I understand that people must endure tests in their life, I understand this is part of becoming something greater.... but this test has been running for far too long and I think I have passed it..... and if I haven't - please someone tell me what I need to do.....

Friday, April 23, 2010

Friday Fill-Ins

1. Where are my pants?!?!?!?!
2. If wishes were cash, I'd have a nice stack of cash.
3. I'd like to see my pet.
4. When I was a teen, I wish I would have gone to college.
5. One of my mother's favorite sayings was Everything you need to know you learned in Kindergarten.
6. I'd have a hard time doing without my computer.
7. And as for the weekend, I'm hoping to figure out what is wrong with my back, and deal with some other stuff around the house.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Good lord.... I have found the black hole of the internet.....

My friend on face book told me - you should check out cafe world.... its kinds like the sims but a little more strategy..... next thing i know i am turning and plotting on how to get more people in the door and how to make more money so i can buy more tables for more people......

please save me..... lol

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

An interesting question was just put to me by a friend.....

Is dating in Las Vegas impossible?

The first reason I am answering this question is for self humor purposes.... I am relationship inept for the most part..... Not do to being an asshole, or a cheater, or a dirtbag, or whatever.... But it usually comes down to the fact that I am too nice.... I am that guy who will tell you that you look amazing even if you don't, will tell you its all going to be ok, even if I have no idea if it will be or not.....

I was once told by a friend that I am an "Emotional Tampon" and at first I wanted to deck the bastard.... but I thought about it for a minute and chuckled to myself and said "Your Right." Basically for quite a long time I have a collective of girls who would call me 2-3 days a month when something was going in their life..... fights with family, boyfriend, fuck buddy, work, period, ailing pets... and I would shore up their resolve and set their minds at ease and I wouldn't hear from them again until the next crisis..... So over time I shook those people loose like a bad case of fleas.... do they still come back from time to time to get another belly full of blood.... sure..... but over time I have secretly substituted a hamburger patty for them to feed off of.... let's see if they notice....

So back to the original question: Is dating in Las Vegas impossible?

It is just annoying for the most part.... people walk around so fake for so long they have no idea who they are or what they want mainly because they were forced to assimilate into the Juicy Couture and Ed Hardy masses to achieve some sort of acceptance they think they need, or crave for some reason..... People here are so lost in their self important bullshit its hilarious.... girls in their car painting on their faces and readjusting their fake tits..... Guys straightening their Affliction T-Shirts and checking their spiked hair and making sure they have their sunglasses made by some designer from god knows where to complete their club going attire to make sure they are fore runners in the "So you wanna be a douche bag" contest.... and they walk into the clubs and these women throw themselves at them cause they are sooooooo cute......

And when the girl hits the clinic a month later wondering why it burns when she pees, and doesn't understand how it could have happened after going to bed with a Tommy Hilfiger clap trap....... it makes my evil side giggle......

I guess to answer the question accurately..... Dating in Vegas is hard - not impossible..... mainly cause for the most part you have no idea who you are talking to 99% of the time in the first 3-4 conversations cause you have to cut through the jungle of distractions the person has set in front of them selves so no one can know who they truly are...... And if you ever meet a girl or a boy who doesn't feel the need to hide, because they see themselves as an amazing person and they know it.... and they dig you..... run, do not walk to the nearest house of worship and marry them now.....

and if they dont want to run with you..... bonk them over the head cave man style and drag them to the nearest house of worship and hire a ventriloquist to say her lines.....

till next time.....

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

TMI Tuesday

1. Commando: Sexy or disgusting? Do you have a "best" commando story? I have never been a big commando guy.... i wore boxers when i was a kid.... and went on to boxer briefs for the freedom and comfort
2. Foreplay: Is there such a thing as too much? Not that i have ever found..... now if you rile up for 2 hours then a page hits and you have to leave for work..... it has happened and it sucked more than a little....
3. Oral sex: Good if you are getting? Good is you are giving? Equally ewwwww? I love giving, I love getting, the only time its ever eww is when people don't understand the wonders of washing their crotch lol.....
4. Orgasm: Is one per night enough or does the first one just get your motor running? 1 is awesome if it is amazing..... but every once in a while.... i wanna fuck like bunnies....
5. Morning sex: "Oh hell yes!", "Well if I have, too." or "Just get in the shower and go to work."
morning sex is the best sex.... it sets the mood for the day..... it gives you something to smile about even when shit goes sideways at work..... and it gives you something to look forward to when you get home and you can walk in the door, pin her to the wall with a strong but caring hand to the throat...... and lean in and whisper in her ear.... "round 2 time"
Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had anonymous sex? Have you ever had an orgasm without at least knowing your partner's last name? Yes and Yes..... in my youth i ran in interesting circles......

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Preparing for the upcoming revolt.....

Has anyone taken a look outside lately? Seeing the unemployed, the under employed, the people who can't budget their money correctly......

I have been unemployed for over a year.... the job market in nevada has been in a state of flux from bad to worse.... our local goverment has been trying to convince us that its getting better but yet every month, the job numbers continue to show something different.... I sit here day in and day out filling out applications, sending out resumes, following up on leads, checking out job posts.... but there is little to nothing out there right now in nevada, and because we have almost 150,000 people out of work just in Las Vegas so every job that gets posted has 100 applicants, half of which are probably more qualified.... but I guess that's how it is....... but I have taken to playing a little poker to keep the ends together and for entertainment.... but when I hit the poker rooms the level of desperation is nearly unbearable... Talking to players who are also dealers at other casinos who were used to making 5000 a month - so their bills are 5000 a month cause they never expected a down turn, they have no savings... and they are expecting people to feel sorry for them.... i guess i am cold and heartless.... I want a job, I look every day.... but people are not hiring or they are hiring the least skilled people they can find to pay them the least.....

So I urge you..... Arm yourselves, if you have the means, move to another country, get off the titanic before she starts to sink completely.....

Our "elected officials" have proven time and time again that they have no idea what to do..... lets give billions to big business and that will fix it.... well, big business used the cash to do what? create jobs? no.... to help people in need? no...... they used the money to buy out other slightly smaller big businesses..... and then they went back to congress for more money..... hilarious.....

Why didn't congress give the money to the tax payers - allowing the "people" to decide who thrives and who dies in the business world.... you can't make a car for shit - you go out of business.... your bank sucks and you wrote a shit load of bad loans - get enough money to allow people to withdraw what they have in the bank and you close your doors..... but the "powers that be" continue to meander without a path or a clue of what to do next......

I have an idea, lets close the boarders - and do what we did after WWII, we were self contained, we produced what we needed to survive and thrive as a nation, but now our big business that was more than happy to take our tax payers dollars to pull their asses out of a fire have out sourced every damn thing they can to other countries to improve their bottom line, thus lining the pockets of the few, and leading to the starvation of people who would kill for the jobs that producing those parts and services would provide...... are they dream jobs? not at all.... but if it keeps the lights on and food in there bellies..... it would be better than where we are heading....

Personally I think any company who out sources to Mexico, China, India should be taxed $35000 dollars per person they choose to employ in their outsource centers.... basically taking the advantage of sending jobs over seas away and bringing more money into the US to provide us, the needing Americans with jobs.....

The revolt is coming..... you will see soccer moms turning tricks on the streets, grandma's and grandpa's robbing banks.... and people killing each other to avoid starvation......

You might think this idea is far fetched.... you might think it fool hardy... but if there is no turn around in site... and if there is no plan in place in the near future......

These ideas might not be far off.....

Ahh.... if only this weather could last......

its like 72 degrees outside.... i have the house opened up and all the fans going enjoying the air just blowing over me...... such a peaceful day.... no one home.... and i am still smiling from my visitor last night...... she has a way that just sets me at ease..... maybe its her touch.... or her kiss.... it just relaxes me....

time to wake up.... time to get to leveling my monk..... time to clean a little..... time to make breakfest..... mmmmmmm eggs and sausage.....

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Friday Fill-ins

1. I'd like to be curled up with my pet.
2. One of my most favorite romantic memories is long forgotten.
3. Last night, I had Chicken Alfredo for dinner.
4. Sorry for the current economic state.
5. Can we cuddle now?
6. One of my worst temptations is Good Beer; Good Beer is hard to resist!
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to watching my soon to be x-room mate pack, tomorrow my plans include hoping to see my pet and Sunday, I want to wiggle my toes for no real reason what so ever!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

A long weekend.....

Spent the weekend filling out applications, cleaning house, and preping for the exodus of my room mate..... which will bring some much needed peace to my life..... i need to stop spending my time trying to prove myself to others - and finally do for myself what i have done for others for years.... find happiness....

started making some plans for going forward - working on a work out plan that is a bit more flexible, a diet that is a bit more doable..... time to focus on self improvement....


I guess after nearly 31 years..... I am just tired of always finishing second, after pushing for all i am worth and not making the cut..... I guess im just tired....

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Friday Fill-Ins

1. In 1992, I was well on my way to an average education.
2. I love to cause laughter and smiles.
3. Do what you like, with what you like, where you like.
4. Cuddling with my pet is where I'd like to be.
5. The trees and flowers are telling me.... wait the trees are talking?!. /flees
6. My mind eyes see things that just keeps going on.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to spending some time cleaning the house, tomorrow my plans include spending time with my pet and Sunday, I want to grin for long periods of time!

Doing all kinds of stuff today....

Cleaning house, job hunting, dealing with other such drama, and working on trying to learn something new today..... what to learn, what to learn.....

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Bleh.... The layout i found didnt work.....

So the new adventure continues lol....

I guess to personalize my own space the hunt continues.... anyone have any suggestions?

Early Morning.....

I have been up haunting my apartment since like 5am..... fell asleep before 10 last night.... Been hooked into Damages - the show with Glen Close, a well written show - and I am still amazed with the co-stars that have appeared - atypical roles for all of them, well for the most part... Just started season 3 and Martin Short is playing an attorney - i can't get over him being serious.... I remember him as a funny guy and he is a ball buster in this show, pure and simple.

I guess its time to stop talking on the interwebs and get to the gym before the housewives invade and I am forced to break routine... Slowing everything down and slowing the progression of my day into job hunting, video games, and random other such activities :D

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

My pet.....

I have had this woman who has captured my imagination, I have awaken in sweats with a hard on that could drive nails into concrete..... This isn't normal for me.... I usually delve into random Contra and Mario Bros. fantasies in my sleep.... But this muse has awakened something in me......

She pushes me, I am a natural submissive having been born by and raised by mainly women, my father was pretty much absent in my youth and to be honest I hold Mario and Luigi as a more helpful and interactive role model in my formative years....

But there is something about her.... Something about her scent, about the way she touches me, about the way that I can make her smile..... simple things.... the way she pushes me..... laying next to her, touching her soft skin, awakens a sleeping demon within..... my hand slides to her neck, squeezing till that little whimper comes from her..... sliding my hand down to feel the warmth rising from her, the excitement that she hides with such ease....... or at least she thinks she hides it well, the touch of my fingers running lightly over her skin, all of it.... drives her to the point where she can't stop herself and she attacks..... Toying with a natural sub is so much fun, teasing till they have no choice but to throw the switch and attempt to become dominate.... I know the feeling.... Thats the line that I currently walk, and it makes my mind race.....

A new adventure.....

I have spent the last number of weeks finding myself checking my friends blog and learning much into her insight on life, love, sex, and more..... So here is my attempt at trying to put stirring thoughts to keyboard to try to empty out a few synapses and a little grey matter to load new useless material into....

I have had an interesting year..... I have spent most of the year in a spinning depression..... Unemployed, Unloved, Uninterested..... I have spent most of the year hunting for jobs that don't exist, looking for a woman that doesn't exist, and in general swimming in a pond of disinterest tword most of my life.... So needless to say its been a bleak year..... But I guess its one of those, If it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger things....

In the last year I have lost a best friend of 24 years, gained a room mate that makes me want to punch her every time she opens her mouth, but thank god she is on her way out....... Welcome to the longest month of my life....

I have had an upturn lately on the job market - actually has a few rewarding conversations with a few hiring managers that seem to like me, and I have a few business cards to follow up leads on, so a little twinkle of hope on the horizon is better than no twinkle at all....

The new year has brought in an actual desire to find rewarding companionship..... The search has led to a lot of dead ends..... but I have found a woman who makes me grin at the thought of her, but she also pushes me beyond my comfort area.... But her smell sends my head spinning, but her life complicates things.... But it allows me to smile harder at the few moments we get to spend together.....

So hopefully this is a new adventure in the twisted halls of my mind..... Random bits of information leaked from a aging mind that is starting to forget things..... So this blog might be a fantasy or a grocery list, a video game story or a review on a shitty movie.... but I guess time will tell on these things lol....

Till the next installment,