Friday, April 30, 2010

I don't know what to do next......

I have friends who i can count on..... and I love them dearly..... But I find myself at the mercy of a friend who's mind changes faster than the national unemployment rate..... I love the guy, I really do - he is an amazing friend, but he talks before he thinks, and even if he thinks, he has this way of changing his mind......

I hate this, I hate what my life has become and I don't know what to do to fix it.....

Thursday, April 29, 2010

At an Impasse.....

Found someone to take the other bedroom - so crisis 1 is averted for the time being..... But it is just one of a hilarious stack of issues.....

But like a soldier peeling potatoes after some form of mis-deed...... all you can do is pick up one potato at a time and peel away as fast as you can.....

Tomorrow morning I have an appointment at PIMA.... a school that offers a 20 month RT program.... and tomorrow I go in to find out what I qualify for financial aide to see if I can get started with school sooner rather than later.... Being as jobs seem to be more rare than people in Las Vegas who are actually born and raised here.... I might as well try to put the surplus of time to good use....

I have revisited the thoughts of the opposite sex..... having a friend trying to tell me where my flaws with women are being as I seem to be competing for the "just be friends" world title.... I hope if i win I get a WWE style championship belt to show off my complete and utter failure with women.... I am a nice guy... I was told I wasn't edgy enough, that I am "too nice".... still not exactly sure what that means.... I mean I read these personals where women state time and time again that they are looking for a nice guy..... but where is the line between nice and too nice? could someone contact the referee, I would like a ruling on the field....

I am still hunting for a job..... applied for 11 jobs in the harrah's organization - of which I am sure there is another 1100 applications per position, but all I can do is keep slugging away and keep trying.....

I could go for a break, I could go for a mental vacation, I need to cuddle with someone who I miss, wrap her up in my arms just so I can close my eyes, feel her next to me, get lost in her scent, and just let time slip away.....

It can't happen soon enough....

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Circling the drain.....

Things are seemingly going from bad to worse..... and I am not sure what I did to deserve it.....

Job hunt continues to go no where..... People who I thought were friends are turning their back on me..... Family seems to be losing faith in me..... And I am running out of reasons to get up and keep fighting..... I am growing oh so tired of being kicked over and over again.... All I want is the chance to get back to my feet so I can defend myself.... But the boots keep coming, and they seem to be coming faster and faster..... And I can't seem to block them fast enough..... I don't believe in a focused higher power, well at least not a specific one.... It could be god, it could be allah, it could be Joe Peschi for all I know..... but I am hitting a point where I am not sure what I did to deserve the current state of my life..... I have been nice, helpful, loving, supportive, loyal, and have done anything I can to help improve the lives of the people around me - weather it be carrying there groceries to there house or lending money or holding them when they need a place to cry....

If I believed in a focused house of worship at this point I would be turning my back.....

I understand that people must endure tests in their life, I understand this is part of becoming something greater.... but this test has been running for far too long and I think I have passed it..... and if I haven't - please someone tell me what I need to do.....

Friday, April 23, 2010

Friday Fill-Ins

1. Where are my pants?!?!?!?!
2. If wishes were cash, I'd have a nice stack of cash.
3. I'd like to see my pet.
4. When I was a teen, I wish I would have gone to college.
5. One of my mother's favorite sayings was Everything you need to know you learned in Kindergarten.
6. I'd have a hard time doing without my computer.
7. And as for the weekend, I'm hoping to figure out what is wrong with my back, and deal with some other stuff around the house.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Good lord.... I have found the black hole of the internet.....

My friend on face book told me - you should check out cafe world.... its kinds like the sims but a little more strategy..... next thing i know i am turning and plotting on how to get more people in the door and how to make more money so i can buy more tables for more people......

please save me..... lol

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

An interesting question was just put to me by a friend.....

Is dating in Las Vegas impossible?

The first reason I am answering this question is for self humor purposes.... I am relationship inept for the most part..... Not do to being an asshole, or a cheater, or a dirtbag, or whatever.... But it usually comes down to the fact that I am too nice.... I am that guy who will tell you that you look amazing even if you don't, will tell you its all going to be ok, even if I have no idea if it will be or not.....

I was once told by a friend that I am an "Emotional Tampon" and at first I wanted to deck the bastard.... but I thought about it for a minute and chuckled to myself and said "Your Right." Basically for quite a long time I have a collective of girls who would call me 2-3 days a month when something was going in their life..... fights with family, boyfriend, fuck buddy, work, period, ailing pets... and I would shore up their resolve and set their minds at ease and I wouldn't hear from them again until the next crisis..... So over time I shook those people loose like a bad case of fleas.... do they still come back from time to time to get another belly full of blood.... sure..... but over time I have secretly substituted a hamburger patty for them to feed off of.... let's see if they notice....

So back to the original question: Is dating in Las Vegas impossible?

It is just annoying for the most part.... people walk around so fake for so long they have no idea who they are or what they want mainly because they were forced to assimilate into the Juicy Couture and Ed Hardy masses to achieve some sort of acceptance they think they need, or crave for some reason..... People here are so lost in their self important bullshit its hilarious.... girls in their car painting on their faces and readjusting their fake tits..... Guys straightening their Affliction T-Shirts and checking their spiked hair and making sure they have their sunglasses made by some designer from god knows where to complete their club going attire to make sure they are fore runners in the "So you wanna be a douche bag" contest.... and they walk into the clubs and these women throw themselves at them cause they are sooooooo cute......

And when the girl hits the clinic a month later wondering why it burns when she pees, and doesn't understand how it could have happened after going to bed with a Tommy Hilfiger clap trap....... it makes my evil side giggle......

I guess to answer the question accurately..... Dating in Vegas is hard - not impossible..... mainly cause for the most part you have no idea who you are talking to 99% of the time in the first 3-4 conversations cause you have to cut through the jungle of distractions the person has set in front of them selves so no one can know who they truly are...... And if you ever meet a girl or a boy who doesn't feel the need to hide, because they see themselves as an amazing person and they know it.... and they dig you..... run, do not walk to the nearest house of worship and marry them now.....

and if they dont want to run with you..... bonk them over the head cave man style and drag them to the nearest house of worship and hire a ventriloquist to say her lines.....

till next time.....

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

TMI Tuesday

1. Commando: Sexy or disgusting? Do you have a "best" commando story? I have never been a big commando guy.... i wore boxers when i was a kid.... and went on to boxer briefs for the freedom and comfort
2. Foreplay: Is there such a thing as too much? Not that i have ever found..... now if you rile up for 2 hours then a page hits and you have to leave for work..... it has happened and it sucked more than a little....
3. Oral sex: Good if you are getting? Good is you are giving? Equally ewwwww? I love giving, I love getting, the only time its ever eww is when people don't understand the wonders of washing their crotch lol.....
4. Orgasm: Is one per night enough or does the first one just get your motor running? 1 is awesome if it is amazing..... but every once in a while.... i wanna fuck like bunnies....
5. Morning sex: "Oh hell yes!", "Well if I have, too." or "Just get in the shower and go to work."
morning sex is the best sex.... it sets the mood for the day..... it gives you something to smile about even when shit goes sideways at work..... and it gives you something to look forward to when you get home and you can walk in the door, pin her to the wall with a strong but caring hand to the throat...... and lean in and whisper in her ear.... "round 2 time"
Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had anonymous sex? Have you ever had an orgasm without at least knowing your partner's last name? Yes and Yes..... in my youth i ran in interesting circles......

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Preparing for the upcoming revolt.....

Has anyone taken a look outside lately? Seeing the unemployed, the under employed, the people who can't budget their money correctly......

I have been unemployed for over a year.... the job market in nevada has been in a state of flux from bad to worse.... our local goverment has been trying to convince us that its getting better but yet every month, the job numbers continue to show something different.... I sit here day in and day out filling out applications, sending out resumes, following up on leads, checking out job posts.... but there is little to nothing out there right now in nevada, and because we have almost 150,000 people out of work just in Las Vegas so every job that gets posted has 100 applicants, half of which are probably more qualified.... but I guess that's how it is....... but I have taken to playing a little poker to keep the ends together and for entertainment.... but when I hit the poker rooms the level of desperation is nearly unbearable... Talking to players who are also dealers at other casinos who were used to making 5000 a month - so their bills are 5000 a month cause they never expected a down turn, they have no savings... and they are expecting people to feel sorry for them.... i guess i am cold and heartless.... I want a job, I look every day.... but people are not hiring or they are hiring the least skilled people they can find to pay them the least.....

So I urge you..... Arm yourselves, if you have the means, move to another country, get off the titanic before she starts to sink completely.....

Our "elected officials" have proven time and time again that they have no idea what to do..... lets give billions to big business and that will fix it.... well, big business used the cash to do what? create jobs? no.... to help people in need? no...... they used the money to buy out other slightly smaller big businesses..... and then they went back to congress for more money..... hilarious.....

Why didn't congress give the money to the tax payers - allowing the "people" to decide who thrives and who dies in the business world.... you can't make a car for shit - you go out of business.... your bank sucks and you wrote a shit load of bad loans - get enough money to allow people to withdraw what they have in the bank and you close your doors..... but the "powers that be" continue to meander without a path or a clue of what to do next......

I have an idea, lets close the boarders - and do what we did after WWII, we were self contained, we produced what we needed to survive and thrive as a nation, but now our big business that was more than happy to take our tax payers dollars to pull their asses out of a fire have out sourced every damn thing they can to other countries to improve their bottom line, thus lining the pockets of the few, and leading to the starvation of people who would kill for the jobs that producing those parts and services would provide...... are they dream jobs? not at all.... but if it keeps the lights on and food in there bellies..... it would be better than where we are heading....

Personally I think any company who out sources to Mexico, China, India should be taxed $35000 dollars per person they choose to employ in their outsource centers.... basically taking the advantage of sending jobs over seas away and bringing more money into the US to provide us, the needing Americans with jobs.....

The revolt is coming..... you will see soccer moms turning tricks on the streets, grandma's and grandpa's robbing banks.... and people killing each other to avoid starvation......

You might think this idea is far fetched.... you might think it fool hardy... but if there is no turn around in site... and if there is no plan in place in the near future......

These ideas might not be far off.....

Ahh.... if only this weather could last......

its like 72 degrees outside.... i have the house opened up and all the fans going enjoying the air just blowing over me...... such a peaceful day.... no one home.... and i am still smiling from my visitor last night...... she has a way that just sets me at ease..... maybe its her touch.... or her kiss.... it just relaxes me....

time to wake up.... time to get to leveling my monk..... time to clean a little..... time to make breakfest..... mmmmmmm eggs and sausage.....

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Friday Fill-ins

1. I'd like to be curled up with my pet.
2. One of my most favorite romantic memories is long forgotten.
3. Last night, I had Chicken Alfredo for dinner.
4. Sorry for the current economic state.
5. Can we cuddle now?
6. One of my worst temptations is Good Beer; Good Beer is hard to resist!
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to watching my soon to be x-room mate pack, tomorrow my plans include hoping to see my pet and Sunday, I want to wiggle my toes for no real reason what so ever!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

A long weekend.....

Spent the weekend filling out applications, cleaning house, and preping for the exodus of my room mate..... which will bring some much needed peace to my life..... i need to stop spending my time trying to prove myself to others - and finally do for myself what i have done for others for years.... find happiness....

started making some plans for going forward - working on a work out plan that is a bit more flexible, a diet that is a bit more doable..... time to focus on self improvement....


I guess after nearly 31 years..... I am just tired of always finishing second, after pushing for all i am worth and not making the cut..... I guess im just tired....

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Friday Fill-Ins

1. In 1992, I was well on my way to an average education.
2. I love to cause laughter and smiles.
3. Do what you like, with what you like, where you like.
4. Cuddling with my pet is where I'd like to be.
5. The trees and flowers are telling me.... wait the trees are talking?!. /flees
6. My mind eyes see things that just keeps going on.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to spending some time cleaning the house, tomorrow my plans include spending time with my pet and Sunday, I want to grin for long periods of time!

Doing all kinds of stuff today....

Cleaning house, job hunting, dealing with other such drama, and working on trying to learn something new today..... what to learn, what to learn.....

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Bleh.... The layout i found didnt work.....

So the new adventure continues lol....

I guess to personalize my own space the hunt continues.... anyone have any suggestions?

Early Morning.....

I have been up haunting my apartment since like 5am..... fell asleep before 10 last night.... Been hooked into Damages - the show with Glen Close, a well written show - and I am still amazed with the co-stars that have appeared - atypical roles for all of them, well for the most part... Just started season 3 and Martin Short is playing an attorney - i can't get over him being serious.... I remember him as a funny guy and he is a ball buster in this show, pure and simple.

I guess its time to stop talking on the interwebs and get to the gym before the housewives invade and I am forced to break routine... Slowing everything down and slowing the progression of my day into job hunting, video games, and random other such activities :D

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

My pet.....

I have had this woman who has captured my imagination, I have awaken in sweats with a hard on that could drive nails into concrete..... This isn't normal for me.... I usually delve into random Contra and Mario Bros. fantasies in my sleep.... But this muse has awakened something in me......

She pushes me, I am a natural submissive having been born by and raised by mainly women, my father was pretty much absent in my youth and to be honest I hold Mario and Luigi as a more helpful and interactive role model in my formative years....

But there is something about her.... Something about her scent, about the way she touches me, about the way that I can make her smile..... simple things.... the way she pushes me..... laying next to her, touching her soft skin, awakens a sleeping demon within..... my hand slides to her neck, squeezing till that little whimper comes from her..... sliding my hand down to feel the warmth rising from her, the excitement that she hides with such ease....... or at least she thinks she hides it well, the touch of my fingers running lightly over her skin, all of it.... drives her to the point where she can't stop herself and she attacks..... Toying with a natural sub is so much fun, teasing till they have no choice but to throw the switch and attempt to become dominate.... I know the feeling.... Thats the line that I currently walk, and it makes my mind race.....

A new adventure.....

I have spent the last number of weeks finding myself checking my friends blog and learning much into her insight on life, love, sex, and more..... So here is my attempt at trying to put stirring thoughts to keyboard to try to empty out a few synapses and a little grey matter to load new useless material into....

I have had an interesting year..... I have spent most of the year in a spinning depression..... Unemployed, Unloved, Uninterested..... I have spent most of the year hunting for jobs that don't exist, looking for a woman that doesn't exist, and in general swimming in a pond of disinterest tword most of my life.... So needless to say its been a bleak year..... But I guess its one of those, If it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger things....

In the last year I have lost a best friend of 24 years, gained a room mate that makes me want to punch her every time she opens her mouth, but thank god she is on her way out....... Welcome to the longest month of my life....

I have had an upturn lately on the job market - actually has a few rewarding conversations with a few hiring managers that seem to like me, and I have a few business cards to follow up leads on, so a little twinkle of hope on the horizon is better than no twinkle at all....

The new year has brought in an actual desire to find rewarding companionship..... The search has led to a lot of dead ends..... but I have found a woman who makes me grin at the thought of her, but she also pushes me beyond my comfort area.... But her smell sends my head spinning, but her life complicates things.... But it allows me to smile harder at the few moments we get to spend together.....

So hopefully this is a new adventure in the twisted halls of my mind..... Random bits of information leaked from a aging mind that is starting to forget things..... So this blog might be a fantasy or a grocery list, a video game story or a review on a shitty movie.... but I guess time will tell on these things lol....

Till the next installment,